I'm getting nervous

Yes! It feels good to type on my lappy. Finally.

It’s been a really muddy day today. Had to wash my shoes twice after rug training. Foot sinks into the field if one stood for too long on it. Did some catching up with Ben. He and his never ending admiration for Prison Break.

“You should be a civil engineer. Build the next prison and go PRISON BREAK!”

WTH. Thanks Ben. Haha. I’ll think about it.

Dinner was great last night. Too much carbo like Hoon said. Well, whose fault was it? K la. It’s MY fault. I think we have 7 wings uneaten. Not forgetting the buns and Hor Fun + Yee MEE. Both which Ber was supposed to finish.

Wine was good and I suppose everyone liked it though Hoon kinda complained it was a little too strong smelling. Doesn’t matter cause there were people on ‘her side’. Pun pun pun.

Someone was just too comfortable and had legs on the chair whilst eating.

And not forgetting the longest gift exchange I’ve ever had. LONGEST. I’m quite certain it had got nothing to do with the even or odd numbers, but just probability doing its trick here.

Bodyshop food scrub, contact solution, mug and chocs, Topshop card, tea leaves with tea maker. Cool huh.

Bridge was yet another fantastic experience with people giving away ‘innocent’ clues.

Ms Yeo. See what you’ve missed. We missed you so much that we turned you into paper and started talking to you. Anyways, better get something nice for us from Aus! We deserve it. =p

Staying in Singapore and not going for overseas for holidays have got its advantages. Apple tea from Jo, yummy almond chocs from Chuimei, keychain from Ber, truffles from Alv, and SOMETHING from Ling. That’s 5. Anyone else going overseas?? Do let me know. =)

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My faith has once again been shaken.
I have to be strong, but it is so hard.
Especially when the one digging at it is someone so close.
Someone so close and so dear that the holes left behind are so deep.

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Everywhere I turn, I bump into a wall.
This frustration goes on and it never ends.
I am not deserving: not deserving of this.
When would I learn? When would I wake up?

Time to let go. Time to move on.

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I’m sorry for doing the things I’ve done.
I’m sorry for not doing the things I should have.

I’m a pain.
I’m a procrastinator.
Life’s quite a bitch at times.

You deserve better and I don’t.
You shouldn’t have, and so shouldn’t I.

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To:

The one who’s down with stomach flu: Please rest well and get well soon. Plenty of water helps. Honey is a bonus. Try not to mess up the kitchen again. See you soon. If you get well that is. Oh, thank you for Friends!

The one who I call cus: Didn’t send any season greetings to you (and you didn’t too!). Have a great time hanging out with your pals. Take care! Oh, the book I got you is STILL with me.

The one cooking dinner this weekend: I am really sorry for last weekend. I’m really very sorry. I need some deciphering for your blog. Can you help? It’s an endless stream of Da Vinci codes. Or is it meant to be left that way? Anyway, bringing Hoe. They drink?

The one working at Cathay: Thanks for getting the tickets. SMU sure had helped me save two x50cents. Haven’t got anything from the dollar-shop yet. Poot poot!!

The two whom I used to call Sergeants: Am certainly happy and thrilled to see you two so… LOVING! May God bless you two with bliss and happiness and fulfilled dreams! See you this weekend.

The one I saw on the bus: I don’t think you’ll read this, but it really took me a lot of balls to do what I did. It’s a start, nonetheless. God bless you too.

The one whom I’ve went to the museum with: It was great! Though wet slippers and soaked shoes ain’t the best kind of footwear we wanted to have whilst walking round. But it was great. Really. Xoxo.

The one complaining to me today ‘bout work: Maybe he/she’s got his/her reasons. You worked out your schedule yet? Oh, help me wish her a happy birthday when you see her on Sat. Thanks! Happy working! Hope the rain hasn’t been drenching you these days. Oh, are there extra log cakes? Can I have some? =)

Those who are collecting their results TODAY: Good luck and all the best. I really cannot imagine what kinda grades I’m gonna get. Hope we’ll all make it. I don’t wanna see Yu Siufung or Peter Chong for the wrong reasons next sem. Fingers crossed!

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Pictures taken at St Andrew’s Cathedral’s fun raising event. Ripped off from the Foosball website.

Eve

Random pic off the road.

Random pic at Sportslink AMK. That's a freakin huge backpack.

Things have been certainly been kinda crazy these few days and I'm certain that it go on for the following week.

Somehow, my memory only brings me back to Thursday, where we had our little game of badminton at Bishan Sports Hall. Finally we get to play some sports together huh? I cannot recall the last time we played any games together. Seriously. How many eons ago was that?
Well, what can I say about it? Pe didn't wear proper shoes and got hit by ZX's shuttlecock (MAJOR oooPS!); Hoon didn't have rubber bands for her hair and parking coupons for her car; Des was hyper-active and really have some balls to call someone 'ghost'; Ber had really nice shoes on the showcase and she didn't let Des have the chicken skin; ZX's smashes were darn fast and we're still wondering about him and Mrs Goh; and most of us had bodily aches the following day. Felt a little mad and went for a jog in past-midnight to get some stuff and to clear up some thoughts.

Went back to school on Friday to collect my laptop. The mother-board was damanged due to the unexpected power surge and thank goodness the hard disk was still intact. Met Ben at Macs as we were getting our lunch, and felt bad for not going for training. Brought back to hall and caught the first episode of PB.

Fries were too much and coke weren't finished. And not to forget the random fly and dangling spider. It wasn't the best tour of NTU I would say. My apologies. But thanks for your company anyway. Appreciate it. =)

Walked around Bugis, looking for Christmas gifts. The Croc shirt was really nice. But... Didn't felt good spending on it. The human-traffic were at points unimaginably immense, especially at the traffic lights between Bugis Street and Bugis Junction. Evening ended off nicely with pleasant 'surprises' and off I go to Dhoby Ghaut.

Had to JALAN a bit before meeting up. And so dropped by Cathay to get Ber some tea. How nice right? Little did I know, had to run back to the station not long after as I kinda wrongly estimated the ETA. Had my Cold-cut trio while talking at Subs. Thanks for the 'artificial tears'. It was quite hilarious actually when you mentioned it. Haha... Then off we went for milk and 'look arounds' at shops. Show started at 8.50pm and even till now, hours after the show, I still cannot understand the need for the cleavages and gold/silver armors. Great acting from great actors and actresses, but for a show with 4.5star ratings from ST, I kinda expected more. Walked down Orchard to the bus stops before parting our ways. My apologies that I can't send you back as 'proposed'. Contacts were really killing me. Guess you could see. =)

Saturday started off with a little food shopping for the evening's party at my church. Mum helped get the fishballs and I got the sausages. Spent sometime preparing and cooking the food, and packed them nicely. Mummy was really kind to lend me her van and I drove down to church to prepare for the party. Helped out with the food stuff and deco before meeting up my 'guest' of the night. Was expecting Ott too, but guess she couldn't make it. Some miscommunication somewhere I guess. Food was great and the games were kinda nutty. Dance was damn bad but no one beat me at 'fastest fingers first' *smirk!*, all thanks to the many years of two thumbs smsing. My little niece looked really cute when she prays and for the last time, guy's my cousin, not UNCLE. And oh, sorry it took me a while to figure out the positions of the numbers. I didn't realise you weren't talking about the lines, but something else. Pardon my INNOCENCE. =)

Our tag numbers. What a coincidence huh. =)

Tea at S11 was funny, but crappy too. I don't think I've got a TYPE I or TYPE II or TYPE 1.5. You guys are really making things up. Oh, just in case we forget. Tuesday potluck at my place. 7pm ok? Ber with ham. Hoon fried rice, PE sausage, i'm getting drinks and curry (no milk). Hoon please tell Alvin to get something. Thanks. All please remember the gift exchange too.

Stayed up late, watching soccer. Man U vs Villa and Chelsea vs Wigan. Was smsing throughout and I guess, things are in the light now. Confusing, yet not so confusing. I think too much I guess.

And it's Sunday today, Christmas eve. Service was at 5 went down town after service. It was madness there and it dawned upon me that it was the best time and place for maximum collateral damage for any form of terrorist attacks. People were just walking shoulder to shoulders, toes to toes. And I really wondered what the heck I was doing there. Guess it paid off at the end, didn't it? =) Got home earlier than expected and I guess they weren't that mad at me. Sorry Ott, couldn't make it. My apologies.

My little gift from Orchard. How sweet.

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Merry Christmas to all! The presents, the food, the parties and the many other things are the many things we look forward to, during the Christmas season. Enjoy as we should, but never forget the true meaning of Christmas! Christmas is the day when Jesus was born and the day when hope was once again seen on earth. Let us remember why we celebrate the 25th of December, and let our hearts be filled with the love and joy of Jesus Christ!

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Like I said, I can't say that I know how you feel or I know how it is like, and that things would be fine. All I have to say, is that we would ALL be here for you. And we're ALL going to be here to stay for a VERY long time. Keep faith, have hope, and be strong. Will be praying for you.

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That feeling is back once again. Tingling tingling tingling. What is it that you want me to do? Teach me. Tell me. I'm confused.

Past week

It's raining again. Perfect weather for sleep. But I've decided to update some things around here. It's been a while. All thanks to my burnt Lenovo. PFfffffft.

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West Ham Utd beat Man Utd!!! HOORAY!! My most sincere apologies to Man U fans out there. Pardon my blatant celebrations but I've once again found hope for my 50buck end of tournament championship winner ticket, which is pinned on my softboard.

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It's been an amazing week. Thank God for all the things that have happened, and also the things that did not.

Been meeting up with people late in the nights and it has been fun, and well, not so fun. And also, all the mid-afternoon trainings are making me burnt like a lobster.

Had a couple of rugby trainings in the week for the upcoming HO. It certainly is fun to tackle someone, but not so fun getting tackled. I always have a problem of staying low when engaging in a tackle. Just slips my mind ALL the time. Had to be pulled aside by the Capt to be 'cautioned' twice. How embarassing. Rug's so different from basketball, and being a bball player since don't know when, running BACKWARDS really ain't my forte. Keep having tendancies to dash forward after passing the ball. What an idiot. Tsk.

Char Kway Teow in the mid-week with lots of vege is nice, but would have been better if we've got a not-so-full stomach and when you're not SOO tired. I guess all the work load is taking it's toll on you. Teh-peng was nice and I shall try Kopi-c-peng-gao next time I get there. =) Thanks for the invite to your church and NYE dinner. Like I said, not to worry. You're a great cook. Tested and proven by your beloved friends. Let me know if you need help. ( I still don't know what to bring apart from an empty stomach and great appetite. Suggestions? ) And oh, how did the uniform drawing go? (Past tense cause I suppose you'll only read this in the night ;) ) Don't forget your lefts and rights. =)

Caught 3 movies this week. Deja vu, Eragon and The Holiday. People, if you've only $9.50 this Christmas and can only afford ONE movie, watch The Holiday. Or maybe not. Say if you have $9.50 x 3 = $28.50 (is my math correct? i'm too lazy to check) and you can watch ALL 3 movies, I say just watch The Holiday and use the remaining $19 to buy me a Christmas present. I thank you beforehand. =)

Oh, did I mention that I have got a burnt Lenovo? Yea. Sorta. Laptop was plugged into the mains and guess what? LIGHTNING STRIKES and 'pop' goes the hard disk. Brought to the service centre for maintenance, and I knew that all is lost from the look of the service-man's face. How sad. How irritating. How disgusting. How troublesome. All because of one lightning strike.

Friday was the best. Or maybe second best. If what happened towards to end of the day didn't happen. But anyways Rug training in the morning was all about tacking and simple game plays. I think I need to borrow boots really soon if I want to stay alive in the games. Any kind souls out there with soccer boots to lend/rent/steal/throw away? Knocked out in my 20 degree celcius air-conditioned room all the way till 5. It had been quite a while since I last had sun-burns and the air-con never felt better. Thank goodness I'm in Hall 3. Was late for dinner and was so totally in a mad rush. Took the train down and changed buses. Was late for like... 30 minutes. Haha. My bad. Had white chocolate dreams and teas and a cup of Tiramisu. It was fun talking. And walking. And me sprawling for bathrooms. Yes I know that guy who was waiting for taxi near Chuan. And I think that he kinda heard you too. =)

Picked up the car just past midnight and drove them out for supper. It was fun, but also NOT so fun. I think I might need to consult some psychiatrist or psychologist to get my phobias sorted out. Ever since the accident, never really got over it. Just glad that nothing went wrong this time round. It was horrific. Really terrible. And I don't want to talk about it. For now, let's just stick to public transports.

Hitched a ride to Bkt Gombak from dad on Saturday morning. Had breakfast with him before parting our ways. Realised that dad's got really interesting habits and am rather surprised that I didn't discover them any time sooner. Somehow, I see myself unconciously behaving him like him. The way we fold our legs when we sit, the way we brush our hair, the way we rub our chins. It's like seeing an older version of me. Cool huh?

Took a nap in Hall before joining the team for the 2nd competition. Benedict couldn't make it but we had more than enough people to cover every positions with one sub. 7 a-side water-polo wasn't really as easy as one thinks ( or at least I thought it was. Ain't it just swimming and ball playing? I wish! ) Just the water tredding was enough to induce muscle cramping-sensations in my left foot after 5 minutes and not to mention the need for sudden bursts of speed to gain possesions of the buoyant ball. We were trailing by 4-2 at half time, but managed to level 2 minutes into the second half. We won 5-6 when the final whistle went and it was a job well done. Though it lasted only for 20minutes, it felt as though my legs had went through a half-marathon and the walk back to hall had never been more wobbly.

Knocked out in the bed, and again overslept for Saturday's performance. I must say that it was good entertainment, and the crowd was just overwhelming. The tricks that the pastor and his daughter put up was fantastic and the show was fun for all. Not to forget the little kid in front of us, jumping in joy each time a new trick was performed. It was a very fresh, and non-traditional way of bringing the message of God over. It worked for some, and also somehow at the back of my head, I knew why it didn't work for the others. Though they were just tricks and illusions, the societal defination of magic in current days are rather dim and... ya. To me at least. From what I see on the tele, it ain't the best of impressions. But anyways, thanks for the invite to the show! Had a fun night. =)

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After much thought, maybe I would like to rephrase what I said just now. Love is indeed simple. It can only be simple when people do not complicate it. We are the ones who like to complicate things. And for what it is worth, I believe love is not unconditional. We are not god.

Perhaps it's time to stop and think. Not about the past, but about/for the future. When hopes dangle on one small string, sometimes you need more than strength and perseverance.

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Why do we only want to see things we want to see, hear things we want to hear, feel things we want to feel and dream of dreams we want to dream? Reality may be harsh, but bottom-line is there ain't no escape. Either we embrace it with arms wide open, make the best of it and learn to live with it and enjoy every moment of our lives; or we escape and allow it eat us up from the inside, as we dwell in an endless pit of torment and depression for a very long time to come.

Good news: the choice is ours.

Bad news: we tend to choose the latter.

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Good night people. A new week awaits. Christmas is coming! And so are my results. *shivers down the spine*

10th december

It’s the 10th!! 10th of December! It means that Christmas is coming, New year is coming, results are coming, IPPT is coming, and the holidays are ending!! Tsk.

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Attended the 7th Christian Youth Leadership Camp (Chinese) on Tuesday. Was allocated into the ‘Hokkien’ group. We were all grouped into different dialect groups. Hokkien was one of them. There were Teochew, Hainan, etc etc. It was a fun camp. VERY intellectual. It wasn’t like any camps I’ve been to. There were seminars, lectures, group discussions and sharing. Absolutely mentally draining.

Theme of the camp was “Bilingualism and Bi-culture”. Aim was to make the campers realize the importance of the Chinese language and culture. I guess, the gist of it would be: if you have it, don’t lose it. It’s a gift, for many of us are able to speak both mandarin and English. So use it. don’t lose it. =)

Perhaps the camp has made me realize that I’m not exactly ready to pick up a third language. Half buckets (ban tong shui) ain’t exactly what I’m looking for.

Went for rugby training on Wednesday. Weather was kind, but the pitch wasn’t. It was all wet and muddy. We looked like Commandos in Nikes and Adidas’ and my Brooks was totally wet and mudded at the end of the session. Oh, undies too.

Couldn’t get the hang of the game cause I was so used to the basketball style, where you pass and run ahead. But in rug, you’re supposed to run BACKWARDS after you pass. Kept making silly mistakes but it was fun. On the whole. Looking forward to the next training.

Met up with Ber later in the afternoon. Supposed to drop by Starbucks for free coffee (they were giving away free coffee on that day from 5-7 as a charity drive for the Salvation Army) but half of Singapore was queuing up for it in Orchard. ALL the outlets were bustling with people lining for free coffee. Ended up getting ice cream and fish balls from Taka.

Took a walk down to Heeren’s and did the most atrocious thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. Not going to elaborate more here. Haha.

Saw Jee and her BF on our way back home. Haha… It was kinda amusing. =)

Played Frisbee on Friday afternoon. Supposed to meet up at 10. But someone slept till like, 11am. Or was it 11.30???? Heh. Had some fun, and I propose the 6 of us should engage in some Ultimate Frisbee this season. Get more people! It’ll be great.

Then we all had dinner at Chinatown. MALA steamboat. Wonderful craving from Hoon. J afterwhich, drinks at TD’s café. (Oh, he didn’t turn up for basketball today. Surprised? I’m not. Haha.) Brother-sister connection still doing very good there. And I think you saw what you thought you saw. You know? =) Haha.

Courtesy of Siewling! Ripped off her blog. As Hoon refuses to take a new photo, this old one would suffice. You look like a dits. OOPS! See how PE and Alv is giving you that dumb look? =)

Sat was a very sinful day, for all the junk we dumped into our stomachs. KFC for lunch, buffet for Scott’s bday in the evening, the dessert, the beer, the packed food, urgh. I’m feeling fat. VERY fat. Oh, and I really think you two are mirror images. Super-imposable.

And today, basketball at it’s best since months back. Somehow I just couldn’t get the ball to drop, but we all had tremendous fun. 8 of us. Too bad the rest couldn’t make it. If not, it would have been a party at the court. Team ‘youth’ won all the way against team ‘ah peks’. Haha. Cool huh. Oh, and we beat those not-so-friendly bengsters 3 times in a row. Cheers!

Wonder what’s up next week. Haven’t had time to settle down and think about it.

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6ist. Are we meeting on Friday for supper? I need confirmation please. Let me know ASAP. SMS/Tag/Email/phone/anything.

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All the best and have ‘fun’ at work!! Let me know how it goes? Though I seriously doubt you’ll ‘drop by’ to ‘say hi and goodnight’. It’s alright. I’ll msg. =)

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Anyone wants to go for blood donation?? Looking for kakees once again.

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Sometimes I just wish I had a reset button. Or maybe a delete button with recycling bin. Do you feel the same way too?

OVER and out

YES! WE’VE WON!!! WE SURVIVED! Billion of cells were sacrificed and the heart malfunctioned on Friday. It was such a close shave. Shall elaborate more about it in a while, but for now, HOLIDAYS!!! Woooohooooooooooo!

And so it’s finally over. All the late night muggings and horrendously unhealthy supper that I’ve been chowing down as midnight fuel… it’s OVER! Well, sad thing is there’s going to be 7 more times of this. 7 more semesters, 7 more exams, 7! But till then, I’m ceasing ties with Ms Calculus, Mr Einstein, Mr Markonikov, Mr Keynes, Mr Ampere and Mr Maxwell. They’re nice peeps. Really. Nice people. Without them, the world wouldn’t be the way it is now. But admiration is one thing, studying their works is another. I guess the exams weren’t really fantastic, and just am keeping the toes crossed, praying for the best. Couple of my classmates were rather upset about their performance. But we’ve have consensus now – heck it, don’t think about it, enjoy the moment. WHILE IT LASTS. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

Now, back to my close shave encounter. The last paper for the exams was Effective Communications. A core module which many felt unnecessary. It was scheduled on Friday. And all along I thought the paper was to start at 5pm, like ALL other papers. And taking it for granted, no effort to double check the schedule was made. Just the night before the exam, Ber was asking what time was the exam. And I said “5”. Then Otts dropped a msg and asked when it was, And I said “5”. Vaguely I think Hoon asked too. and I think I said “5”. And guess what? The paper was at 2.30pm.

I seriously have to thank God for this. Somehow, at 2.15pm I called my friend to ask him questions pertaining to the subject. And just before we ended the call, SOMEHOW I asked him where he was. It’s uncharacteristic of me to ask him where he was. But SOMEHOW I did. Guess what? “I’m outside the exam hall. DUH. Paper’s at 2.30 what.”

All alarms were blasting in me. A spike of adrenaline went through, my heart was racing, my mind suffered from some sort of impact, and that all-so-familiar cold chill went down the back. A quick glance at the watch. Yes. 2.15pm. It starts at 2.30. means they’re entering the hall soon. And I’m still in my room, relaxing, in shorts and t shirt.

All thanks to the army, a quick change of clothes was inculcated in us as though it’s the best hobby we would ever have. Within 2 mins of mad rush in the room, I was on the way running like a dog with rabbis, from Hall 3 to the Audit.

Managed to make it on time and sat down before the CI gave instructions to start.

Couldn’t believe how BLUR I was. And I’m darn lucky I made that phone call and asked the right question. It was amazing. And Otts, I didn’t ‘bluff’ you. Cause I REALLY forgot to timing. Thank you for your well-wishes any way. ;)

We had dinner at MOS on Friday night and took a train back. NO, I DO NOT have a thing for waitresses. Yes, the waitress at Hog’s Breathe and Maestro were… well, attractive. But NO, I do not have a thing for waitresses. =p

Met up with Ber on Sat after her last paper (YAAY!) and we walked around Vivo. Half the world was at Vivocity that day. It was so packed that it felt like a war zone, everywhere we went. It’s a great place. Nice view from the top. We checked out St James Powerhouse, had dinner at KPT, wondering why the old couple wanted to sit in the way they sat, bought some chocolates, had some bread and drinks at ToastBox, and floated around the huge place. I seriously wonder how on earth we managed to spend like, 4hours there, walking around. Amazing. It was fun. Nonetheless. RIGHT? =)

Came back home and shared the chocolates with everyone. Only opened up the ‘biscuit’ chocolate. Almonds’ still in the fridge. Chatted with dad about work, studies and GST. He has a point in what he said. I guess, there’s always more than one perspective in things as such.

Sneaked out with Eric at 1am, and brought him for supper. That kid was SOOOOOO excited that he was bright awake and jumping about when we were out. It was fun and I wonder if he told mum or dad about it. They hadn’t spoke to me yet, so I guess it’s gonna be one of our dirty little secrets again. HAHA.

Woke up early for ball on Sunday morning, but it rained not long after. Ended up having lunch and Kopi with Raymond and Hong. He’s celebrating his POP this coming Wednesday, and I’m intending to ask him along with us to TD’s café. Any objections guys? Can? The more the merrier ya? That’s if you guys don’t mind. Yeaps. Sat at the coffee shop for 2hours, talking about so many things that I can’t exactly remember what we talked about. Somewhere along the lines…. Well, never mind.

Came back home and continued my Prison-B***k. It’s the best drama I’ve seen in my entire life. Whoever the scriptwriter was, I think he thinks too much. But he/she’s damn good at it. All the twists and turns make the mind bend and goes all awry.

Met up with Ber again and we had supper at East Coast. Didn’t wanted to disturb our beloved Ms Ang because she’s having her much dreaded CHINESE paper this coming week. All the best girl! Your well & fully planned holidays await you! Took a longer route back and we talked on the way.

There’s something you said on the way back that I’ll remember for a very long time. It’s very heartening to know that you feel that way and I believe that this is also possible between you two.

I shall now go back to my last two episodes of PB now. The presentiment of this show lures me like an ant to a candy.

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Have fun at Perth! =) 14th right? Booked for you. Xoxo.

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I think you had fun at your little paradise of no worries. And we should go to the beach one day. You know you know? =) Haha!

And the shots look great too! You guys certainly look funny in the ‘cheek pointing’, kawaii photo. Meet up soon!

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To my dear cousins, if you’re reading this, hope you guys are doing good and feeling better. Will be here if you need anything. Didn’t know that you guys have your blogs too. We’re a blogging family huh? J

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Still feel something’s amiss. It just doesn’t feel right. No way of putting a finger at it. It’s bugging me like a fly buzzing round my ears.

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Psych or Spanish? Business Law or Bis Ad? Mat or Env? Yes or No? True or False? Should I? Or should I not? I need answers. Soon.